Category: Hunting accounts

  • OMG, OMG, OMG: The disap-POINT-ment!

    Debacle waiting to happen
    Debacle waiting to happen

    Instead of searching google images for pictures of bubbles bursting, my penance for what I’m about to share should be that I’ll write ten thousand words about how my beloved avian-pursuing canine embarrassed the hell out of me this afternoon. But that wouldn’t be fair to share because it would be cruel and unusual punishment to anyone who happened upon this cyber-rag, not that they wouldn’t be deft enough to click their “back” button immediately upon seeing this cascade of garba-verbage. So I guess I’ll continue.

    To wit: Angus blasted through another dog’s point and busted the covey before either one of us could get a shot off.

    OMG. OMG. OMG. I’m still sick about it. But cleanse I must, so prepare for the confession. (Cue Dante’s warning at the gates of Hell.) Run while you still can. Go to youtube and find the latest FAIL compilation. You’ll be better off, I swear. What does the Brittany say? Bust, bust bust bust bust bust bust…

    Here’s the story: first time hunting with our new friend from the ‘hood who’s been at the upland bird game since I was barfing up yogurt all over my mom’s handmade kitchen aprons with multi-colored carrots and palm trees. We hiked a long ways. Sam’s 8-year-old Drahthaar, Hannah, had earlier found a small covey of Huns that Angus totally missed (an infraction for which I forgave him in the moment, largely because I managed to drop one of the birds on a prayer of a second shot). We walked a long way. We walked farther. Stuff was beginning to hurt in my body, which is a quarter of a century younger than my companion’s.  Jesus H.

    Anyway, we’re walking, we’re walking. Sam stops, looks at his Astro and says, kinda like Christopher Walken might announce that his cousin had just won the Nobel Peace Prize, “Hannah’s pointing 211 yards that way,” which was the opposite direction I thought Angus was. A sucker for technology, I followed Sam, wondering where the hell Angus was.

    Angus has a talent (for lack of a better word) for being places you never imagined he could be, and then appearing, seemingly out of nowhere, in a blur, on his way to seemingly the next nowhere. But he didn’t appear within the normal time period. So, soon I began fantasizing about coming over the next undulation and seeing Angus locked in point right next to Hannah, like he used to do with his older sister back in the day (on garden snails, grapes, and grasshoppers). Tripping over the basalt scraps and baby-head lava rocks and medusahead noxiousness I dreamed my darling baby boy would do me proud and redeem himself of his earlier non-find of birds by co-nailing what was to be our final covey of  the day. I thought of Drahthaar and Brittany flanks touching in a pregnant moment of pointing paralysis, the ellipses preceding the climactic rise and fall of a rare group of game birds beaten at their own game by a collaborative quartet of canine-human predators totaling 140 years (224 if you do the dog-year conversion).

    And then Angus came bounding up from the other direction. Uninvolved. Oblivious. Enthusiastic. That was bad enough. He’d been shown up again. By a Drahthaar, no less. OMG. I buzzed him to make sure he’d stay close and not bust the covey Hannah was holding. We still had 40 yards to go. Angus kept straining beyond the reach of the buzzer, and I kept pulling him back. To his credit, he obliged, mostly. But in the final approach, in the excitement of knowing Hannah had been locked on birds for the time it took our bodies to traverse the 211 yards and that we were about to capitalize on her expertise and our luck in finding what was sure to be another undersized group of birds in this bizarrely scant season, I momentarily lost track of Angus.

    Exploiting the gap, and still in “find” mode, Angus – not aware of the concept of “honoring” or “backing” another dog’s point – blasted past Hannah just before we were able to get in position. Bitterbrush, Basin Big Sagebrush, undulating terrain, rocks, and birds – maybe 8 of them – flew every which way. I fired a prayer of a long shot, which has still not been answered.

    Have you ever experienced this humiliation? Have you ever been forced to ponder how on earth your otherwise miraculously olfactoral buddy could not have scented birds which another dog was locked onto for a long, long time? OMG. OMG. OMG.

    I must admit I feel horrible talking about Angus this way behind his back. He is, after all, a sensitive and intensely cherished little fellow. He does his best every time. I just don’t understand what happened today. But I am not complaining (very much). I did come home with one bird (which he had nothing to do with). But I still love him. 🙂

  • Alectorisosis

    Is this real?

    We all have things in life that mess us up. Some result in really bad stuff happening. Others are less severe. I like to think my problem with birds lies in the latter category. But I guess that’s actually relative. Nevertheless, I regretfully and proudly would like to make the formal announcement of my (with any luck) terminal alectorisosis.

    This is a bad disease. Dis-ease. It sounds so benign, yet it’s poetically perfect in its efficient description of negating ease. There’s nothing easy about hunting chukar. Hunting chukar comprehensively disses ease: there’s no easy route, no easy approach, no easy way to locate the bastards, no easy terrain to gain footholds on, no easy stance when your dog is locked on point but still not exactly sure where the bastards are laughing at you non-avian life-forms from, no easy way to predict their launch (their flight schedules are far less reliable than any of the major airlines’, regardless of their putative on-time departure records), no easy shots, and – mos’ def’ – no easy retrieve if  you’re lucky enough to hit one.

    In the midst of an alectorisosis episode

    Worse, there’s no easy explanation for why this pursuit is so addictive. And all-encompassing. I’d be much better at what I “do” if I didn’t suffer the heartbreak of alectorisosis. I wouldn’t fabricate an excuse to spend all day with 500+ 16-year-olds just to ride on the Chukar Bus instead of teaching my classes (while wishing I were actually looking for chukar).

    I don’t even know where to begin with this…

    I wouldn’t find it so supremely funny and oh-so-ironic to see well-intentioned mascot-derived signs and – far worse – take pictures of them with my stupid phone and post them on facebook. I wouldn’t consider breaking the glass on the chukar diorama which explains in true death just what in the hell the mascot of this community college is (although most attendees aren’t sure how to pronounce the word, not to mention from whence their mascot originates; I can imagine the horrified facial expressions were they to learn that Al Qaeda and chukar aren’t super strange bedfellows).

    But I hope there’s no cure. I hope there’s no hope for me. The dearth of real chukar, for me so far this season, threatens an unwanted remission of terminal alectorisosis. Friends keep telling me not to lose faith, that the disease will re-intensify, or at least its symptoms will. I want to believe them. I want to believe. I want to keep this disease alive.

  • Dearth of Chukar

    There used to be chukar here
    There used to be chukar here

    It’s six weeks into the season now and the sinking feeling is growing. Each time I’ve gone out I’ve thought, “Next week I’ll find them.” Then I wouldn’t.

    This weekend I made it out twice and both times were dismal in terms of birds. We busted one covey of Huns yesterday, and today I saw two chukars – isolated incidents. I knocked both down. We only recovered one, which doesn’t happen often, but is really hard to take when it does, especially when birds are at such a premium.

    Angus worked heroically and stoically and I’m starting to worry he’s wondering what the heck is going on. He’s never seen pickings this slim (nor have I). But the terrain and habitat are as good as I’ve seen them, and I’m not giving up even though it’s looking more and more as though the bird numbers are truly way down here.

  • Hun Ting

    A Hun in the hand, finally!
    A Hun in the hand, finally!

    Amazing weather for late October, and we’re back on the hills with our new hunting buddy, searching for the elusive birds. After a short but extremely steep and rocky hike, Angus found us one small covey of Hungarian partridge. I managed a couple shots, but that was it.

    One bird winged, Angus ran it down, brought it back, released it too soon and it flew, he chased it down again, brought it back again and released it too soon. Angus chased it down once more, and – apparently thinking if he let it go farther from me it would stay put – he dropped it closer to Leslie this third time. The poor bird, still alive, probably realized by now his efforts were more or less pointless.

    So, we had a chance to teach J how to most humanely dispatch a game bird. His small hands weren’t quite large enough to do the job, but he got the idea after watching me. (This is my least favorite part of bird hunting, but a necessary evil for the activity.)

    So, still no shooting from the kid, but he’s got impressive strength, endurance, and character, not to mention good company. We’ll get ’em soon. The weather turned today.

  • New Chukar Natural

    First chukar of the year with the natural
    First chukar of the year with The Natural

    We don’t have kids. Angus is our kid. But a friend who doesn’t bird hunt has a 10-year-old who read a book about bird hunting and wanted to go, so we took him today. Until we got out there on the hills I was worried he wouldn’t be able to keep up. Not that I’m such a mountain animal, but, geez, the kid’s ten and the hills are steep.

    Not a problem. At all. I ran up slopes when Angus looked birdy, unable to resist my selfish desire never to miss an Angus point. Huffing and puffing, I’d turn to see how far back the kid was, and he’d all but run into me. On my heels all day. Impressive. Plus, he was just fun to have along because he asked good questions about what we were doing, and he taught Leslie and me things about the land that we didn’t know because he comes from a ranching family. Cows were getting moved (they play a part in the video; see below) and he told us what was happening, where they might be taking them for the winter, how many dogs they probably had…

    And we got the first chukar of the year! He schlepped the 20-gauge the whole day, never was able to get a shot off, but never complained or got tired. We saw surprisingly few birds, but that didn’t deter him – he wants to go again soon. That’s good. I have new motivation to find more birds in this strangely sparse early season. Stay tuned.